Today we kinda pillaged/raped/plundered D's shoebag. Haha poor D-- he was v forgiving though, kinda makes me feel even more guilty. But shall maintain it was mostly K's fault haha omg I'm scarred for life. Bet he knew it wasn't G's from the beginning, he just had to pull the underwear out and be an ass about it. I should've just brought the shoe bag from the canteen to the lecture theatre unscathed, but nooo I was worried that it might belong to someone who wasn't from our class, then what if the guy came back to the canteen to find it gone etcetc. But the worse possible happened, and D found his shoebag outside LT1 lol we're idiots!! Thank god it was D out of all people I guess.

You Are Yogurt

You are ambitious, energetic, and successful. You like to do the right thing, even when it's hard to do. You are honest with yourself and others. You don't sugar coat anything - even if the truth is a bit sour. You are dedicated to getting ahead in life. You don't allow yourself to have many (if any) vices. You make your decisions carefully and wisely. You never give in to your emotions if it will hurt you in the long run.

You Are Not Competitive

There is not a competitive bone in your body. Competition doesn't hold much appeal for you. If anything, you are only likely to compete with yourself. What other people do doesn't matter to you. While it's generally healthy to not be competitive, you may want to step up from time to time. Competition can be motivating and fun. Even if you lose, you'll learn a lot about yourself.

You Are a Blizzard

You are both dangerous but beautiful. People both welcome you and fear you. You can cause a lot of trouble and even destruction. Some would argue that you're worth it though! You tend to overtake people and change everything. You aren't subtle, but you are sometimes hard to see through. There is a quiet and stillness that you sometimes bring. Some find you to be quite peaceful.

I twisted my ankle again, but mildly this time, there wasn't the sharp shock-- just abit of swelling. Sian I need to be more conscious about flexing my ankles when I run! ):
I think cos I twist it so many times it's kinda overpronated when I don't flex properly and so when I take off it lands awkwardly quite often. Damn.
I'm crazy I got to school at 6.40am to run 4km so bloody boring I tell you. Just had this sudden overwhelming urge to practice for napfa. What an idiot I am.

This sucks I really want to blog, but I decided to prioritise everything else first, so I've forgotten what I wanted to blog about.
Was trying to do HH house party stuff + take 5 stuff + elections nominations stuff all at once, and they're all kinda like the trivial stuff (maybe I shouldn't say trivial cos it makes me sound as though I don't take it seriously, but they ARE kinda trivial! See that's exactly why I don't like other people reading my blog cos I wonder if they'll see things differently and judge wrongly etcetc). Lots of small things just accumulate and leave me all Messed Up. Because as you should know by now, I'm never gonna master the art of multi tasking.
Plus I keep trying to screen what I say here cos I'm starting to realise the extent to which this blog is so open to scrutiny by anyone who happens to know a person who links me. I don't even know who links me! >:(
I keep procrastinating when it comes to making a new blog, cos I can't think of an original username, and there's so much to do now.
I have enough on my plate without my sister around, certainly. But when she's around, it's like stuffing a bear into a goldfish, I'm gonna flare up and burst anytime soon. There's so much work to do, but then again there's always something unrelated with work left undone to distract me halfway damnnnn.

 

You Are Thoughtful

On the surface, you may seem to have a lot in common with everyone else - but looks are deceiving. You've got quite a few quirks that make you unique. You aren't weird for its own sake, but you enjoy doing your own thing. You blend in with the crowd most of the time, but if someone looks at you closely, you start to stand out. You don't try to be anyone you're not. You're happy to follow your own path, no matter how mainstream or alternative it is.

You Are a Lava Lamp

You are dreamy, relaxed, and contemplative. You like to get lost inside your own head. You never know where your thoughts will take you, and you consider reflection to be a wild ride. You're happy to sit and be alone for long periods of time. You only do well with others who are like minded. You appreciate other peaceful, creative types. Great things can come when great minds get together.

First day of February already. :O
Orientation day 3 was mainly wargames, which was fun, except I got quite worked up when HH didn't do well for all 3 batches doing the strip me if you can game cos they cheated urgh. Was so tempted to skip training after that to join my OG for dinner and to help paint their butterfly wings, but I promised myself I wouldn't skip another training unless I absolutely have to. Gym training is never taxing to the point that it puts you off anyway, so I went. Omg I've been in school from 7am to 8pm la madness. Maybe next time I'll look back and think it's all worth it to be so involved in school activities. All I can say is I don't regret anything, the decisions that lead to this hectic lifestyle I'm still learning to cope with, and that's all that matters right now. Whatever else there is to consider, now's not the best time because I'm brain dead, ready to crashhh anytime but there's still OGling's notes to write!!
I'm still feeling rather neutral about my packed schedule right now, just that once in a while my suppressed impulses just overwhelm me and all of a sudden I feel like doing something crazy like flinging my shoe bag to the top of an overhead bridge or putting my jacket over my head and running home from school. I haven't done either haha. Can think of all the worse possible scenarios that may occur if I ever let go like that, which is enough to curb those fleeting impulses. 
 

You Love to Talk About Ideas

You like your conversations to be deep and meaningful. You are not a big fan of small talk. You are open to all sorts of conversation topics, especially if they are unique or interesting. You love it when a conversation takes you somewhere unexpected. You will talk about anything, even if it's controversial or weird. You aren't shy about speaking your mind. You may shock people with what you're willing to talk about, but at least it's more interesting than discussing the weather.

Lol sounds like derwin/abel minus the irritating parts.  xD
 

You Are a Cumulus Cloud

You are a joyful and easy going person. You have a lot of enthusiasm for life and living well. Your motto may as well be, "No things in moderation." You are content to enjoy all the food and drink you want. People find you very approachable and at times cuddly. You usually have a big smile on your face. You are truly blissful and content. Nothing is going to bring you down. It's like you're walking in the clouds!

Today's training lasted from 9-12.30 omg in the sweltering heat. Did several one leg run throughs, the usual one hurdle and three hurdle warm up, then the (entire round - the 6th and 7th hurdle) x2. This Really No Joke.
Hurdles= bruises and more bruises. This time it was my fingers, cos I flailed my left hand erratically in the wrong direction and hit the hurdle doing one of the run throughs! I am that clumsy.  ): I never knew you could bruise your fingers okay, that made me realise how frail my fingers are. ><
I could feel my first run wasn't good. Every time someone cheered for me, I'd try to focus and not lose concentration but fail. I'd lose track of my stepping and lose rhythm, then end up taking off too near the hurdle and jumping instead. The third 100m was the most agonizing, because it didn't have any hurdles so you're expected to chiong even faster, to the last 3 hurdles which I didn't want to run toward. The more inhibited I got, the less I dared to take off at the distance I was expected to. Every hurdle is a conscious effort to repress the urge to stop, to ignore my sinking heart and attack not-so-wholeheartedly. (I think Mr. Tan's heart sinks with each hurdle I cross as well)
But I do kinda understand. When I see the RI trackers doing their 110mh and freaking out and stopping (sometimes they touch the hurdle with their hands), despite being able to empathise, there's still this overwhelming WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT, WHY CAN'T YOU LET GO? stab of annoyance. So I get how Mr.Tan feels when he gave me the pep talk before my race, telling me to go have fun and basically just let myself go, and was let down by my selfdoubt and insecurities which hindered the race. I'm such an unfair person right, I can't even let go, myself.
Good thing that Mr. Tan's the sort of coach who probably believes in the no child left behind sort of idea, so he talked to everyone about how they could improve before we went on to the run #2.

Here's what our conversation was like (sorry it doesn't sound like him, I didn't quote verbatim):
MT(sternly): raisin I know you've been training hard. But your timing will never change if you don't change.
me: okay
MT: don't think so much about which leg crosses first, just go! If you really want the race to be different, you need to become a different person!
me: okay
MT: Or you'll be running and running and it'll always be the same. (I shudder inside to think I'll be running this way by the time it's nats 2010) YOU NEED TO BE MORE AGRESSIVE.
me: uhm okay. (here I'm acutely self conscious about how painfully unconvincing I sound)
MT: okay go do your next run. Remember: more aggressive, it's up to you already.

Sometimes I stare at my face in the mirror and think there's this brutal, unrelenting quality to it. Maybe it's there because of my insensitivity, or because I'm generally very detached and judgmental. But now, I've got aggressiveness to add to that. Oh man.
Anyway, after the talk, I was so bloody stressed. This was how I talked: 'Damn I don't know why I fflinger in the ffair so fflong over the ffhurdle!!' ): (every f is a suppressed f--- which I refused to say so I'd to resort to venting somehow) For a moment I'd to stone to maintain control of everything and come up with a reasonably measured response, which was to channel the stress into anger which brought me through the round. I didn't know if the anger was going to cloud my judgment on how to pace myself throughout, or when to take off, but it definitely helped to cloud the fear. So this time it was a better run and MT was happy. I can't say how glad I am he's my coach.
Okay this is cut off here because I've been on the comp for too long.
 

This was in one of those random emails my dad always forwards to me (like the mum song from the earlier post).
I'd already kinda predicted the worse situations the chorus could be used for further in the song, and wasn't surprised with how it progressed but it's still so bloody sad. ):
I'd never say that to my dad. And if my child ever tells me to let go when I'm dying, I'd come back to life and sit up and smack him/her.
 

Sianz I keep shivering despite feeling so hot, it's like there's steam coming through my pores, and it feels like I've been blushing the whole day urgh.

When I got home, my sister just went to bathe despite knowing I'm always anxious to get my contacts out asap and that she takes so bloody long bathing sometimes it raises my hopes that she's died in there. So I sat around and stoned, and realised: actually using FML frequently doesn't make alot of sense.
I mean unless it's used in rare cases like maybe out of sheer coincidence you get this flesh eating bacteria while walking around barefoot in a cave or something, in which it'd be terribly dumb to say f*** the bacteria even though it's such a crap thing to happen that you're quite justified to say it, FML is just for people too lazy to consider their situation and is seldom really appropriate. 
Anyway, other than that, I'm sure f*** you, or maybe sometimes f*** you and you and you and you, or even f*** me would be more apt. FML oversimplifies because it's too vague. Or maybe it's simply convenient when you know you're supposed to blame yourself but you're so angry already you feel you can't take any more criticism even if it comes from yourself so you blame your life instead.

Last training of the year (for me), we did 3x 2 hurdles, 2x 1 hurdle and 2x 8 hurdles.
Today was HHmeetingthentrainingtheneainternaldryrun. I SURVIVED.
Tomorrow we're off to retreat at JB! ^_^